As humans, we have different personalities, and for many of us, it is quite hard to say “No”. It can feel very uncomfortable because we worry about disappointing others, not maintaining a positive status, or damaging our relationships. For some, it is just a habit to say ‘yes’.
I used to find it difficult to say ‘No’ when I wasn’t entirely comfortable, mainly because I wanted to be seen as a ‘helpful’ person and to leave the impression of a ‘good girl’. There were times I wished I had said ‘No’. Not learning the art of saying ‘No’ has led to some temporary regrets.
I have come to learn that saying “No” isn’t about being selfish; rather, it’s an essential aspect of managing your time, and mental health, setting boundaries, and preventing burnout. Even now, I can’t confidently say that it’s easy for me to say ‘No’, but it is a journey, and I’m still finding the balance. To some extent, I have learnt to say ‘No’ without feeling guilty.
Learning to say ‘No’ when you are not comfortable, is a valuable skill we can all work on. There are a few things I keep in mind, that help me develop this skill without feeling guilty.
First is the mindset, reason, or motive. I ask myself “Why am I choosing to say No?” This question answers a lot because there are many reasons to consider. I try to evaluate these reasons to see if they are valid.
For instance, if someone asks me to hang out with them, I ask myself “Why should I say No?”, is it because I have things to do, or because I just want to spend the whole day watching anime like I’ve been doing for the past few days? The reason will determine whether or not I say No. This helps me understand my priorities, and I feel less guilty.
Once I decide to say ‘No’, I aim for a strong and clear ‘No’, not a hesitant one. I try not to leave any room for negotiation or a ‘maybe’, sending a straightforward message. Even if later change my mind, it is better than giving someone false hope with a ‘maybe’, only to disappoint them in the end.
Additionally, when saying ‘No’, I try to offer help in another way to ease the guilt, such as making suggestions or providing alternatives. I also respond positively and politely. Saying things like, “Sorry, I won’t be able to help you, but check out this YouTube channel; It could be useful. I’m sure you’ll do well. Best of luck!”
Personally, I feel that when you find it hard to say ‘No’ most of the time, it can indirectly mean you are living your life for others. Plus, some people overuse this privilege, knowing you rarely turn them down.
In conclusion, saying ‘No’ to things that don’t align with your values or make you uncomfortable is not a bad habit. It is a skill that we need to learn to create a balanced well-being, increase productivity, and protect our mental health. It is a big step towards self-discipline.
This is the day 14 prompt for #octoberinleo. Check out more amazing topics Octoberinleo has to offer.
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Thumbnail image is from Canva. Image is mine
