I wonder if anyone will be open to this.
A few weeks ago I was writing about habit forming and the importance of attaching it to identity, because if what we want to accomplish isn't aligned with the kind of person we are, we are likely to fail. And, if we attach our identity to something that is inevitably going to change, like our job or our looks, we are going to run into a problem when what we are or what we do and our identity, no longer align. This creates a lot of issues, as we become "lost" to ourselves.
Along the same vein, I thought it might be worth exploring some value statements of what kind of person I believe myself to be, and whether my behaviors align with them. I thought for a start, I would mention three statements to explore and reflect upon, and hopefully others will follow suit in the comment section.
So you can cut and paste if you choose:
- I'm the kind of person who
- I'm the kind of person who
- I'm the kind of person who
Thinking about these things as I worked out at the gym was interesting, as there are plenty that would appear on the positive side, but also plenty on the negative side - at least in regard to daily behavior. However, there are some that are pretty core to my personality.
1
I'm the kind of person who maintains personal integrity
Personal integrity is vague in the sense that it is going to be different for each person, but I am the kind of person who maintains my own integrity, based on what I believe to be right or wrong, even if no one is watching, even if it costs me. While I don't force my own morality on others or expect them to do the same as I do, I am open in discussing my own opinions on all kinds of topics. But that itself isn't integrity, because that comes down to being honest with oneself, which also means having a sense of ethics and principles. These can change over time as more information and experience comes into the picture, but it requires being authentic. In my experience, a lot of people are authentic in words only, as their behaviors don't support their belief.
2
I'm the kind of person who people turn to in their bad times
I think everyone has had experience with a "fairweather friend" who is only there in the good times and when there are personal difficulties and there is need for an ear or a shoulder, they disappear. I am the opposite of that, which means that people will often turn to me when they are struggling in life, but when things pick up for them, they disappear. This manifests as getting to know people quite deeply when they are looking for a solution and a way out of negative situations, but it also means having to hear a lot of conflict, mess and misery. It often feels like I am meant to sit and listen, as if I don't have any issues of my own to deal with.
3
I'm the kind of person who values intimacy
Perhaps this is related to number two on the list, because there is intimacy in those relationships too. However, I am someone who believes that relationships are the reason for us to live this life, and if we aren't building better relationships in some way, we are failing ourselves and others. I am not saying that I value every relationship equally, but I think that life is better when we have people we are close with, intimate with. Intimacy in this context isn't sexual intimacy, though that is an important part of it for the majority of humanity too.
-1
I'm the kind of person who doubts my worth
And, while each value could have positive or negative implications depending on how they manifest, one of mine that is pretty much always negative is how little confidence I have in myself. There is no amount of proof through what I do or what others say that gives me the sense that I am enough. I am always lacking, there is always more I could have done. And, this pairs with my personal integrity as while I can always do the right thing in the moment, as soon as I reflect, I will see that there are other things I could have done. or more I could have done, had I known at the time. There is no win in there.
Of course, this is by no means an exhaustive list, but it is a start with a few key attributes that I want to highlight in myself and see if I can use them to better effect in my life. For instance, maybe I should at times distance myself from some others who are struggling if I don't have the bandwidth myself, and let them work it out. There is value in it for them too, as sometimes it is good to be "left alone" to reflect and strategize. I don't think I could bring myself to do this for people who are truly struggling in their life though.
And in regard to my own confidence, my integrity doesn't support the "fake it til you make it" mentality, so I will have to find better methods to work with it instead. A lot of my reflective writing is born from this situation, and writing tends to help me reflect and as I write, question the belief patterns as they arise. It doesn't improve my self-esteem in the future, but it does understand and process it in the past.
Back to the opening statement.
What kind of person are you?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]