I was sitting in a chair outside DD's room, clutching my stomach, feeling dizzier than I did on that roller coaster back in Disneyland.
The receptionist across the room kept glancing at me. Did she somehow know I was on the brink of tears? Did she know that in a few weeks time, the doctor would tell me if my daughter's life was getting better or her days were numbered?
The nurse came out of the room down the hall and gave my shoulder a squeeze. "You can come in now."
I could tell by the gesture that I probably looked a mess. "Th-thank you Raquel. Have a good evening."
She gave me a nod and smiled, and I walked towards room 38, where DD had been in and out of for the last three months.
As soon as DD saw me she smiled. I could see the bumps of her wrist bones through her skin and legs were as thin as rails. Huge bags drooped under her eyes.
All this, yet she was still a beauty. I loved looking into her space-dark eyes or earthy brown skin. Even her full-tooth smile revealed pearly white teeth.
I shook hands with the doctor and then he went to his laptop. I held DD's hand and put on a smile as big as hers. We could do this. She could do this.
"Dwila's fighting spirit is a force to be reckoned with… but unfortunately, her sickness looks like it's taking a turn for the worst."
I could feel all the optimism drain out of me. "What do you mean?"
"I mean…it doesn't look like she's going to get better."
Even though my lip trembled, I turned to look at DD. Her face was straight, eyes dull, as if the life had been sucked out of her.
"Now, all hope isn't completely lost folks. She can still make a recovery. This could just be a bad faze. I'll know for sure if more can be done or not in the next two weeks. After all, she's still in the early stages."
I nodded, feeling as if I could cry all of the liquids out of my body right then. But I didn't, because I was the only symbol of strength my daughter had.
After a touch up on how DD's been doing and speaking with her, I left thinking about how I could keep hope alive. As I left, the receptionist said, "Bye Narya, I hope your sister gets better."
I smiled. "That's my daughter."
Her jaw dropped. "Really? She's thirteen and you don't look a day over 30."
"I'm not." I pushed open the front doors.
Truth be told, I had had DD when I was
Sixteen. When her father found out we were going to be parents he left quicker than the season changed. But I promised to give her just as much love as two parents would have. I still had the old calender where I had crossed off days till her birth. I had every single birthday picture saved on my phone. With my small business, I had worked up the money to take her to Disney world and get her all the jewelry she wanted.
But last year, she started feeling awful and had alarming symptoms. Ever since she got sick, life has been a roller coaster of fear and depression. DD was a wonderful star of a girl. She just had to survive, but even with treatment, she was still struggling.
I hated myself. How could I let my baby girl struggle while I looked on helplessly? What type of example had I set for her by being a teenage mother? What if she never got better? What if in a few months she…
Cut it out, Narya, these types of thoughts will get you nowhere, I thought to myself. I would never give up on DD. Not for anything or anyone. So this fight wasn't over and I would stay strong in front of DD. Even of it meant flooding my car with wails and tears in the parking lot.
Every day after work DD and I would blast Beyonce or Taylor Swift music, whatever we felt like at the moment. I made sure to spend time with her frequently and on days when she stayed in the hospital, I'd bring her an occasional snack and tell her what was happening at home. I counted the days on my digital calendar for the day the doctor would give us DD's stats.
Two weeks past, and the dreaded hospital appoimtment day had made it's way here. Today I would find out if my baby was getting better or worse.
I walked into the hospital with a smile on my face, thanking Raquel for the hundredth time for being the best nurse there.
While I waited for the appointment, I thought about DD. She was going to be alright. There was a tiny twinge of doubt in my mind, telling me that DD couldn't be saved and why should we even try? I squashed those thoughts. DD was here. DD was alive. And she was all my accomplishments and more. I would never give up on her. I would keep fighting with her and keep my positivity high.
I walked into the room and saw DD Imediately turn to me, smiling despite the large bags under her eyes. My poor, tired baby girl. I kissed her head and grabbed her hand. The moment was here.
The doctor was still typing on his computer.
DD turned to me. "Ma, I have something tell you…in case I don't make it."
I could feel myself welling up. I sighed to keep my voice from wavering. "Don't talk like that DD. You aren't losing this battle."
"But Ma," DD continued. "You can't deny the truth. I might not make it, and just in case I don't, I wanted to tell you that you are the best Mom in the entire universe and I wouldn't trade you for anyone else."
I certainly didn't feel like the best mother, but hearing that from DD made warm tears stream down my cheeks. I couldn't say anything, or I might start wailing in front of the doctor.
The doctor turned around to face us, a stack of papers in his hand. "Dwila's had a hard week, but fortunetly, there's light at the end of the tunnel." The doctor set the papers on his lap. "Her health is improving. She looks like she'll make a stunning recovery."
I gasped. Put a hand over my mouth and turned to DD. She had wide eyes and an O-shaped mouth.
I cried, unable to hold back my tears.
DD's wide smile and rounded cheeks made all of this worth it.
The doctor soon left us on our own. I hugged her and we swayed until I regained my composure.
DD's eyes were shiny. I kissed her head. "You're so strong DD. So strong."
DD wiped her eyes. "I couldn't have been without you Mom. You've always had my back."
I sniffled. "And I always will."
My latest novel, Shook, is being published to Hive in parts! See all released chapters in this post.
Hey there! I’m Shila! I’ve loved books since I could read, and decided I would write books I wanted to see written for others! Check my children’s book Imagination on Amazon!
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