They were all in my head.
They were the equations and definitions I had spent four months of my life studying and all night cramming.
I plastered a smile on my face and walked into the hall. "It's just an exam, Rose. It's just an exam. You've written exams before. You've spent years writing them." I muttered these words under my breath to calm myself.
It wasn't just an exam. It was THE exam. I don't want to sound dramatic but it was a matter of life and death for me.
I rubbed my shaky hands and managed a smile at my classmate.
"Scholar! How far? I know you're ready to smash this." I smiled and adjusted my glasses. I just wasn't in the mood.
On a normal exam day, I'd be the one hyping up others and building their spirits. I'd be the one exaggerating their academic accomplishments and painting a smile on their faces but on this day, I just wanted to take my seat.
"Abeg. Let me just sit down." She moved out of the way. "I wish I was sitting next to you."
I snorted and shook my head.
No, you don't. I don't cheat.
I sat down and took in a deep breath then revised all that I crammed the night before. I yawned and shook myself awake. "Focus."
I blocked out the noise of the others in the room, I knew some of them and I was a stranger to others, and concentrated on my thoughts.
"What's the formula for the photoelectric equation?" A very smart friend of mine asked in my ear. I jumped and touched it.
"Why did you do that?"
"I'm sorry!" She rubbed her hands together. My brows creased as I studied her face. She looked like she was up all night.
I was up all night but she looked like it. Her face was swollen, and her eyes were red and tired. She was shivering.
"I don't remember the formula." Tears gathered in her eyes. Her voice wobbled as she spoke. I pulled her and made space for her to sit.
"Just breathe. You know the formula."
"Just tell me the formula. Please." My heart broke. I tried to remember it but couldn't. I shook my head. It was there but it was stuck somewhere.
She grabbed my hands. "How are you not scared, Rose? Physics is your weakest subject." I shook my head. "I don't know."
"I need to remember it. What if they ask us? What if it has so many marks and I miss it? What would happen to the thousands my parents spent for me to be here? I can't fail this exam, Rose." She sniffed.
"I can't."
"Neither can I," I said in a sober tone.
"How are you not scared?" She pulled my arm. "Why are you not shaking right now?"
"I don't know." I eased my hand out of her grip.
I chuckled. "My lack of fear scares me a little. I mean I'm not the best at Physics." I shrugged.
"You're a B student." She blurted. Her words were hot, harsh, and true. I only ever got a B in Physics.
"To get perfect grades you have to get an A." I nodded but I was still weirdly calm.
"I need to ask someone else." She jumped from her seat and went to one of our classmates.
I sat in my seat with my head on the desk, no longer revising or forcing myself to remember but just breathing and waiting.
I looked around the hall and smiled. Everyone looked like the chaos in their minds.
Some wore joggers and sweatshirts with a sandal on. They weren't nicely dressed for the most important exam of their lives.
Others looked dressed up. Too dressed up in my opinion. I mean who had time to make your lips look good? Just wear the dress and move!
Others looked like me. Normal. Average. We didn't make too much or too little effort, we just wore the same thing we wore to school every day. No stress.
I watched as my classmates gathered in groups, openly revising. I watched them jump from one table to another, asking for last-minute formulas, keywords, and definitions.
I felt the anxiety coursing through them but somehow I was unaffected. "Oh no." I laughed.
"Should I be worried? Should I try to revise something again? Just in case?" I thought about it and shook my head.
"If I tried to remember anything else I would have a headache." Only a handful of people looked calm and even among them they were two kinds of people.
The first kind were the super smart ones. The A students in physics. They were good and they knew they were good. They had studied every page of the past questions booklet and could quote formulas with ease.
I wasn't one of them.
The second kind was just calm. They weren't super smart or just smart but they were calm. They probably had a backup plan in case they didn't know the answers to questions.
I wasn't one of them. I was just there.
"The invigilator is coming." The whispers floated around the hall. Everyone rushed to their seats.
A man stepped in, followed by two male officials.
"These are your exam scripts." He waved a thick wad of paper in the air. The two officials took the papers and began to share them. They placed the papers in front of each table, facing down.
"Before we begin," His voice boomed.
"I want you to know that there are hidden cameras in this hall. Our bosses are watching and anyone cheating will have his or her script cancelled." I sighed.
"So if you're planning to cheat you'll be caught." He cleared his throat.
"Start." The instruction sliced through the air, followed by the flipping of paper. The hall went silent as we began. My eyes fell on the first question, and I breathed. "Let's start."
Thanks for Reading 🤗🤗.
Here's my entry to the inkwell Creative nonfiction week #47